Furtive Venice snapper arrested

A man who allegedly photographed more than 3,000 women's bottoms as they toured Venice has been arrested.

The man was stopped after police became suspicious of a large bag he was carrying as he followed women through St Mark's Square.

He has been charged with infringement of privacy. It is a cheeky crime, which could earn this 38-year-old Italian from six months to four years in jail.

A police video shows a man in jeans and hooded top walking behind women.

He is trying to position his black holdall close to their legs.

Police said he was filming through a small hole in the side of the bag.

The officers had become suspicious when they realised he was only following women with short skirts. When they stopped or bent down to pick something up, he was clearly trying to angle the bag behind them.

When the voyeur was finally caught police recovered several DVDs which held more than 3,000 images of women's bottoms.

He confessed to police he had been filming in and around St Mark's Square for nearly two years.

Police have refused to name him but Mario Marina of Venice police said he is married with two young children and has a professional job in the nearby town of Padua.

He might have some explaining to do when he finally gets home.

The Perfect Taxi Ride

Does such a thing exist? This post is inspired by Dubai taxi drivers - who treat the accelerator and brake pedals as switches that are either "on" or "off" - with nothing in between!

Let's consider -

1) Cost. 0-4 points
2) Does the driver use the meter without question? 0-2 points
3) Does the driver agree to take you where you want to go? 0-2 points
4) Is the driver familiar with the local area? 0-2 points
5) Does the driver drive in a safe and comfortable manner? 0-4 points

Max score = 14. Here's my scoring...

LONDON - 0+2+2+2+4 = 10
KL - 4+1+1+1+1 = 8
DUBAI 2+1+2+1+0 = 6
BANGKOK 3+1+1+1+2 = 8
SINGAPORE - 1+1+2+2+3 = 9

Oh dear! My scoring system is no good - London wins but my favourite has to be Singapore!

But no-one got full marks! The search for a perfect taxi is still on!

Eye Test

Click the image to enlarge, but don't get too excited - its not big enough for what you are thinking about!

Ironman Oscars

A (partly humorous) review of the performances of many friends and acquaintances who did Ironman Langkawi on Saturday. I've missed out celebs and pro's to give the "common man (and woman)" a shout!

Stunning Swims - Steve Lee (1:11:29) and Randy Tan (1:12:51)
Water Lovers - Ngae, Bacin, Yusran Yusoff & Eric Teo (all over 2hrs)

T1 Tornado - May Senn (under 3 mins)
T1 Trickle - Azmar (over 10 mins)
Most Places Gained in T1 - Yee Sze Mun & May Senn
Most Places lost in T1 - Stupe & Abu Soffian

Brilliant Bikers (most passes) - Yusran & Ngae
I Want To Ride My Bicycle - Omar Abdullah and Alex Au-Yong

Swift T2's - Carmen Leong & Wendy Wong (both under 3mins)
Chilled-out T2's - Iwata Takatoshi, Stupe and Steve Lee (over 25mins)

Roaring Runners - Puzi (under 4 hrs) and Carmen Leong (4h34m)
Deep Diggers - Steve Lee, Ishsal, May Senn, Dicky Z, Mohd Sofian.

Most passes during run - Carmen Leong, Eric Teo & Iwata (all more than 10 places)
Comeback Kings - Yusran & Ngae (most place gains following swim)

Nice stroke, shame about the legs - Steve Lee, Shazly Khan, Mohd Sofian

Transition Queen - Lai May Senn (under 6 mins for T1 & T2)

Queen of Langkawi - Carmen Leong

...a HUGE well done to everyone who took part, especially all the first-timers. Well done to Ah Thiam for qualifying for Kona (Carmen too?). Well done to Malaysia-based Elmar Schuberth, who was 3rd overall and would have been 2nd of not for a 5min drafting penalty. Naughty boy!

Apology

I, Adrian Holman, hereby do solemnly declare my deep regret at the great offence caused to my good Italian friend Mr. Gunter Serafini, and all his fellow countrymen, by erroneously suggesting in a recent post that the bicycle manufacturer Pinarello is Spanish. They are of course, Italian.

By way of an apology, here's an Italy flag...

Train of Thought

Why do the media give Tom Cruise a hard time? Who cares if he has unusual religious views - does that actually affect anyone else in a tangible way? So what if he jumped up and down on US TV expressing usually reserved emotions - is that a crime? He's a movie actor for goodness sake and does a great job if you ask me - leave him alone.

The constant news in the inquest into Diana's death leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The papers aren't interested in the real issues. It wouldn't surprise me if the whole circus is a fire fanned by the media so they can report gory or gossipy details about her life and death on a daily basis for another several months - such as who her lovers were, what they said, who called her a "whore", how she said Queenie would abdicate, what she looked like after the accident etc...blah blah blah...

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE!!! Mega Breaking News - as reported by The Star a few days ago, International Trade & Industry Minister Rafida Aziz has finally obtained a Jaya Jusco loyalty card after 20 years of shopping there. She said she didn't have one because nobody had ever offered her one. Mmmmmm - I would expect such distinguished persons to display a bit of initiative in such critical matters!

Why do I never see empty roti man bikes? They are always jam-packed full of bread hanging everywhere. Do they ever sell any bread?

Croatia's BIG Hero

Croatia rose to the occasion in their crucial Euro 2008 defeat of England - after an apparent X-rated gaffe by an English opera singer at Wembley.

Tony Henry belted out a version of the Croat anthem before the 80,000 crowd, but made a blunder at the end.

He should have sung 'Mila kuda si planina' (which roughly means 'You know my dear how we love your mountains').

But he instead sang 'Mila kura si planina' which can be interpreted as 'My dear, my penis is a mountain'.

Now Henry could be one of the few Englishmen at the Euro 2008 finals in Austria and Switzerland as Croatian fans adopt him as a lucky omen. "The Croatians think it's great, and they've invited him to come over and sing at Euro 2008, and asked if he will be their mascot."

They believe his mistake relaxed their chuckling players, who scored an early goal in the 3-2 win that put Croatia top of the group and knocked out England.

Henry is becoming a cult hero in Croatia, but denies he played a part in England's exit.

"I can't take the blame for that. The last thing I would do is brag about my parts like that - especially to make it so public," said Henry.

Bicycle Lover

SCOTLAND: A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

Women (& Men)

A better-than-average email doing the rounds...

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

THE ABOVE IS FOR A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR !!

Why Men Like Triathlon

Jackie caught a glimpse of triathlon on TV the other day (a "Road To Beijing" programme showing brief highlights of the recent womens ITU race in Hungary) and noticed a bunch of slim, fit young women riding bikes wearing nothing more than swimming cossies.

Now she's sure she knows what attracts me, and other men, to triathlon.

French Anyone?

Free milo ais and roti canai to anyone who can translate this from French to English, or just tell me what famous piece of literature this is.

Tip - don't try to translate, just read it out loud (knowing French pronunciation will help) and listen....

Un petit, d'un petit
Ca ton et vol
Un petit, d'un petit
A degree faux
Aux des quinz aussi
Et aux des quinz main
Coup dent peu d'un petit
De guerre a gain.

More Gems

Wimbledon

Here's an amusing photos I feel the need to share......

If you don't "get it" leave a comment and I'll help you out.

Fox In Socks

Lucas and I had a good laugh reading this book, which I just bought from Kinokuniya, a bookshop in KLCC that I seem to end up in every Friday on my way back home from work by LRT.

The book begins by introducing the main characters, the Fox and Mr. Knox, and some props (a box and a pair of socks). Throughout the book the Fox tries to get Knox to say extremely difficult tongue-twisters that progress in complexity, culminating in a description of a Tweetle Beetle Battle:

"Now, when Tweetle Beetles fight, it's called a Tweetle Beetle Battle.

And when they battle in a puddle, it's a Tweetle Beetle Puddle Battle.

AND when Tweetle Beetles battle with paddles in a puddle, they call it a Tweetle Beetle Puddle Paddle Battle.

AND when Beetles battle Beetles in a Puddle Paddle Battle, and the beetle battle's puddle is a puddle in a bottle, they call this a Tweetle Beetle Bottle Puddle Paddle Battle Muddle.

AND when Tweetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles, and the bottle's on a poodle, and the poodle's eating noodles, they call this a Muddle Puddle Tweetle Poodle Beetle Noodle Bottle Paddle Battle."

ah! what fun! I love Dr. Seuss (and so does Lucas)


The illustrations are great too.

Essential Children's Reading

WARNING! This post contains an image of drugs being prepared for use, homophobia, a helpful policeman and a reference to sex...




For non-UK folks, an ASBO is an Anti-Social Behaviour Order issued to naughty kids (and adults) who annoy their neighbours and do all sorts of bad things.

More Top Tips

I have always found Viz's "Top Tips" absolutely hilarious - here's some more gems from their website. If anyone "doesn't get them" I can explain - it's something to do with British humour and the wonderful thing that is sarcasm...

STATELY home owners. Sprinkle pepper into the helmets of suits of armour so as any intruders who hide in them when being chased will give themselves away by sneezing just after you walk past.

BOOKSHOP owners. Annoy Christians by putting the Bible in the 'Fiction' section of your shop where, joking aside, it actually belongs.

CONVINCE neighbours that you own an old fashioned typewriter by wearing metal thimbles and drumming your fingers on a plastic tray. Every ten seconds ting a wine glass with a pencil and run a butter knife along the teeth of a comb before continuing drumming your fingers.

OLD people. If you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat. When you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.

OIL companies. Avoid having the general public pointing the global warming finger at you by putting some pictures of trees and flowers on your websites and adverts.

FED EX. Instead of the slogan you have painted on the sides of your lorries - "Your reputation in a box? We guarantee it...every time!" why not use the wording of clause 4.5 of your Standard Trading Conditions - "Whilst the Company shall use its reasonable endeavours to comply with any estimate given by the Company to the Customer, any delivery time (including date) given by or on behalf of the Company shall be an estimate only, time shall not be of the essence and shall not be binding upon the Company which shall be under no liability whatsoever, except as provided for in Clause 17, for failure to secure delivery of any Goods by any date or time howsoever caused," which more accurately reflects your approach to the punctual delivery of urgent packages.

BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side.

Top Tips

WHEN cooking spaghetti, tie all the ends together. That way you can eat it in one long suck, eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks.

ESTATE agents. Please look up the words luxurious, stunning and spacious in a dictionary so as I don't have to spend my weekends being shown around badly-built shoeboxes.

HOSPITAL patients. Arrive for your appointment two hours after the assigned arrival time. That way, you will only have to wait an hour for your doctor to see you.


EXPERIENCE the thrills of a skiing holiday without the expense. Simply sellotape two planks of wood to your feet, sit in your freezer for three hours, then run into a tree as fast as you can.

BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side.


MOTORISTS Always have a hot curry puff in your hands in heavy traffic. Each time the traffic grinds to a halt, just reach for the puff. The instant you place it to your lips the traffic begins to move. This also works well with the molten lava apple pies from McDonalds.


BOILED EGGS cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.

LADY drivers. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it note showing the position of the handbrake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.

SUPERMARKETS. Help promote healthy living by putting your cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for fat people to fit through.

JAMES BOND. Never show any pain when receiving the beating of a lifetime, but wince when having your wounds tended by a woman.

TEENAGERS. Stop your trousers from falling halfway down your arse by wearing a strip of perforated leather with a buckle around your waist.

TEENAGERS. When buying trousers, choose a pair which stop around about your ankles as opposed to some point about 10 inches further on.

UK Police condemn 'target culture'

Frontline police officers are calling for an end to the "target-driven culture" they say is forcing them to make arrests for petty offences.

The Police Federation of England and Wales says government targets lead to "ludicrous" decisions such as arresting a child for throwing a cucumber slice.

The federation has published a dossier of "ludicrous" cases it claims are the result of Home Office targets.

The cases include:

A man from Cheshire who was cautioned for being "found in possession of an egg with intent to throw"

A child in Kent who was arrested after removing a slice of cucumber from a sandwich and throwing it at another youngster

A West Midlands woman arrested on her wedding day for criminal damage after her foot slipped on her accelerator pedal and her vehicle damaged a car park barrier

A child from Kent who was arrested for throwing cream buns at a bus

A 70-year-old Cheshire pensioner who was arrested for criminal damage after cutting back a neighbour's conifer trees

An officer in the West Midlands who was told to caution a man for throwing a glass of water over his girlfriend

Two children from Manchester who were arrested for being in possession of a plastic toy pistol

Slower Than Me!

Slow-mo marathon runner finishes

Greg Billingham finished in just over seven days

A man who ran the London Marathon in slow motion has crossed the finish line, a week after the race started.

Greg Billingham, from Poynton in Cheshire, completed the 26.2 mile (42.16km) course in slow motion and finished at lunchtime on Sunday.

The builder, who was raising money for Children with Leukaemia, "ran" one step every five to six seconds, after setting off with 36,000 other runners.

He said he had practised for weeks at the building site where he works.

Martin Lel, the winner in 2005, out-sprinted his rivals to claim his second victory in the marathon.

The Kenyan won in a time of two hours, seven minutes and 41 seconds.

Advertising Wonders

I just got an amusing email from a chum of mine and it got me thinking again about the wonderful world of advertising.

(advance apologies to anyone reading this who’s in advertising – unless you’re one of those who come up with the type of advertising cr*p that I hate so much.) BAD LANGUAGE WARNING - don't read this ad if you're easily offended!

There’s a rather irresponsible HSBC credit-card ad I’ve seen recently that shows a deliriously happy looking couple (in big letters) – “Whatever the reason – we buy it!”

On the radio there an ad for a college that won’t just get you a qualification – you’ll become one of “…the next generation of critical thinkers to satisfy the nation’s demand for human capital in a knowledge-based society…” - !!!

Then there's the ads for new condo's that show the KLCC Twin Towers a stone's throw from a units balcony even though they're actually 15km away...

..or the magical "natural" slimming pills that will make you lose lots of weight, with no mention of diet or exercise.

Or an ad I drove under yesterday for "Melilea" dietary supplements (pills in a box) that emphasises that they're "Organic" - how can mass produced pills be "organic"?