I have always found Viz's "Top Tips" absolutely hilarious - here's some more gems from their website. If anyone "doesn't get them" I can explain - it's something to do with British humour and the wonderful thing that is sarcasm...
STATELY home owners. Sprinkle pepper into the helmets of suits of armour so as any intruders who hide in them when being chased will give themselves away by sneezing just after you walk past.
BOOKSHOP owners. Annoy Christians by putting the Bible in the 'Fiction' section of your shop where, joking aside, it actually belongs.
CONVINCE neighbours that you own an old fashioned typewriter by wearing metal thimbles and drumming your fingers on a plastic tray. Every ten seconds ting a wine glass with a pencil and run a butter knife along the teeth of a comb before continuing drumming your fingers.
OLD people. If you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat. When you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
OIL companies. Avoid having the general public pointing the global warming finger at you by putting some pictures of trees and flowers on your websites and adverts.
FED EX. Instead of the slogan you have painted on the sides of your lorries - "Your reputation in a box? We guarantee it...every time!" why not use the wording of clause 4.5 of your Standard Trading Conditions - "Whilst the Company shall use its reasonable endeavours to comply with any estimate given by the Company to the Customer, any delivery time (including date) given by or on behalf of the Company shall be an estimate only, time shall not be of the essence and shall not be binding upon the Company which shall be under no liability whatsoever, except as provided for in Clause 17, for failure to secure delivery of any Goods by any date or time howsoever caused," which more accurately reflects your approach to the punctual delivery of urgent packages.
BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side.
1 comment:
How sad to be so young and so cynical! OK, it made me laugh too!
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